I had an odd but alarmingly realistic dream last night. Ok, it wasn't THAT realistic because there is no way what happened in my dream would be happening in actuality, but nobody was wearing giant purple hats or had crazy Bozo-hair, as is the case with many of my dreams.
I know why I had a dream about this person, it is fairly obvious. It was brought on by thinking about him more lately because of a personal endeavor. It was also a manifestation of my feelings for guilt surrounding our relationship in the past as it were. What I don't understand is why those feelings surface now?
All of this Russian speak and study has me thinking about Glenn a lot. I've always thought back on Glenn with great affection. He was my favorite college roommate and I lived with him and Evan for a year. It was a great time for me, but now that I think back on it, I don't know if it was for him. I really was an awful roommate!
I paid my rent and all, but I was so inconsiderate. I had strange boys over and drank at all hours of the night ... but hey, it was college. I also wasn't very considerate of his space and belongings. I got a brand new dog and left this untrained puppy with him to deal with while I went to Europe for two weeks. Granted, we had a long talk about that, but how could I have been so inconsiderate as to think that was ok in the first place? There were just so many things I did like that. I honestly don't know how he put up with me, but he did.
Honestly, Glenn taught me a lot about being responsible and considerate. He is so very intelligent and I have a tremendous amount of respect for him. Glenn seems to know something about everything. He was on the HRC bandwagon before most other gay folk I knew had any idea what it was. He had lived in London as a welder. He's been just about everywhere one could think of and had great stories to tell about all of the places. He took the opportunity to educate himself on things most people don't; music, art, books and cultural lessons were all points of interest of his. I had a fantastic opportunity to learn a tremendous amount more from him, but I squandered it in my youth.
In my dream, both Glenn and I were at a party of some kind. I asked him into a back room and we started discussing the past and I just started apologizing. I put myself in his position and started listing the things that, had someone done them to me I would have beaten them senseless. My alarm went off before I could finish such a list.
Glenn and I would probably get along much better now than we did then. I would probably appreciate him a lot more now than I did then, which is a travesty in itself. He is a school teacher in New York now, and I don't know if our paths will ever cross in person again, but I really hope so. It is funny ... I don't miss so much what we did have but more what we SHOULD have had in our friendship.
1 comment:
You would do well to remember that you were but a wee thing, whereas I was already in my late 20s. You were a pretty decent fellow, and I enjoyed having you as my roommate (the maggots crawling on your dog poop covered bed notwithstanding).
You're sweet, but your dream is just a dream. We're still friends, even if we haven't seen each other in years. Tell Scoot howdy.
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